Aww whoaminoone, we have very similar situations with our husbands. I'm so sorry you're going through this with him. I know how it feels. I've not been properly diagnosed with anything but am sure I am suffering ptsd after we lost everything to fire December 3rd plus am dealing with depression and anxiety because of it as well. My husband has never physically abused me, but he's very insensitive regarding my troubles, thinks it's all stupid, and also emotionally abuses me. Since the fire I'm afraid to be left alone, and yes, my husband is my safety net. During his regular work hours I'm fine. But if he's late or gets called out after hours, which can happen at anytime, and has happened yesterday and today both, I panic. My heart pounds. I get shaky. I cry. I have no idea how long he'll be gone. It could be a couple hours. It could be 7 or 8 depending on what he's dealing with. He's a water operator and fixes leaks, clogged sewers, etc., sometimes requiring heavy equipment if he has to dig under concrete or something. So when he has to leave, I don't know when he'll be back. Despite how he is toward me, it's an incredible relief for me when he returns. I also have felt the same as far as loving him. My mom talks divorce to me all the time, that they'll help me out, etc., but I really just don't see how, and after all we've been through with the fire and finally getting a new home and the problems I'm dealing with myself right now, I just don't feel I could. I don't know how I could ever make it on my own. I have no job - am just a stay-at-home mom, and we virtually have no money at all. I'd have nothing to fall back on. I just feel I'd be leaving one mess and getting into another. If you ever need to talk, feel free to pm me. Take care...