Quote:
Originally Posted by Rohag
In my "episodes", the interval between the trigger and the violent self-punitive reaction is extremely short, possibly no more than two to five seconds. Consequently I try to avoid the triggers altogether.
How long did it take the anger to birth an overwhelming urge to "go for it"?
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Hard to really put a time frame in it... Perspective and awareness of things like that kinda go out the window.
Started with intrusive thoughts to just self harm at first and then just escalated into a crescendo of self hate and general conclusion to die.
This morning had a chat with one of the nurses who explained that they and I are in a catch 22 position when it comes to me being on observations with limited liberties... That they know I hate it and want space but they have a duty to keep me safe and give me the security that escalations like that won't go unnoticed.
I know that if I'd been at home with the tools up to the job, it would have been a lot worse.
writing this is making me cry a bit... Meh, sorry.
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Independent Mental Health Advocate (IMHA): UK