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Originally Posted by Shy Introvert
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Sorry to hear that! I kind of feel the way that you do at times. I have never really fit into any group either since I'm not a follower. I don't like conforming to certain rules and expectations. Anyways, maybe you'd be better off spending time with people one on one. I do better connecting with people one on one. I hate groups.
As for those people who disappear when they don't need anything from you, and then reappear when they do, they're just using you. They don't care about you at all. Also, why should you always listen to them talk? Maybe you should work on your low self-esteem and try connecting with people that you have more in common with. Maybe then you can have an intimate relationship with someone if you can connect with them on an emotional and mental level. I don't know. Don't let yourself be used. It's better to be alone then to be treated like an object for other people's selfish needs.
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I would connect better one on one, but I don't feel safe alone with people anymore. Spending time alone together inevitably leads to something physical that I may or may not want. I certainly don't want the emotional fallout that happens afterwards. I don't ever want to be touched again outside of a relationship if even then. And I can't have a relationship if I can't connect with people. And I can't connect with people without being able to be alone with them and on and on.
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Originally Posted by Breezy~Day
Hello I.Am.The.End. I very much related to your post. There are others out there like you who feel like a "social outcast." I've felt that way a long time... I still do somewhat.
You can be proud of being unique, but I bet the pain of not being close to another person makes it not worth it sometimes.
Reading your text, you sound very intelligent. From what I've heard and read, most people with high intelligence feel different from everyone else... Jus' sayin...
You seem to connect fine over the internet. It does seem like a miscommunication or expression problem. Did you know there are mental disorders that cause the person to feel alienated? Many of them do, even though the person may be very high functioning (often higher functioning than "normal" people), and may live in much more emotional pain because of this. You may want to talk to a therapist more about this. It's hard, and it's hard to get over your inner rejection of this idea. I don't know how you feel, but I didn't like my first session of therapy. I thought the therapist was only putting me down and belittling my feelings, so I decided not to go back. However, over time, I was convinced I had something I needed to work out with a therapist. I then realized that the woman didn't do anything wrong like that purposely, and it was my own distrust of people who get close to me stopping myself from progressing. So now I continue.
I understand if you don't, but can you elaborate more on your physical and mental ailments? Maybe some people could understand it. If you don't want to, please ignore this.
You are also musically minded? Great! Please forgive me if I make music sound cheesy by calling it "musically minded," I'm not always great with words. Anyways, that sounds like a stress relief. Can you express yourself through music? People who may not be able to show their feelings can show it through other ways.
If you want to become a teacher, I don't think great connection skills are actually necessary. Maybe a little, but I found that people have such high respect for college professors that they'll listen to them no matter how "funny" or "strange" they are.
Please take everything I say with a grain of salt. You know yourself best, and I respect that. I wish you luck.
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I was actually liking therapy until I've read various stuff on here and it sort of turned me off of some of the ideas in therapy. It's hard to explain.
And music is only a stress relief if you do as a hobby…if you do it as an academic pursuit/profession it's very stressful. Especially since most musicians connect and I don't. I can do all the non-verbal communication within the context of performance but not outside of that.
I'm not sure people really respect professors much anymore…I've seen a lot of disrespect in my years as a student and it's usually only certain professors they tend to not have respect for. And teaching isn't my first choice for a career, but it's the safest and most logical choice if I want to stay in my field. Besides, I'd have to teach some time even if I played/composed professionally. I just feel it's the only situation where people might pretend to accept me. I know playing in groups is the closest I've gotten to "fitting in" but I feel I'm usually kept around and have people being nice to me because I'm somewhat irreplaceable. Three years later, my old band still doesn't have a truly permanent replacement for me and I still play with them when I'm in town.
I'm not sure I know myself best either. I mean, I don't really know what's best for me or what I want anymore. Nothing is anywhere near how I thought it was that I can't even adjust my approach. I feel extremely disillusioned.