Lmciyah, that's the depression talking. And your past. A lot of us grew up in "survivor mode". It doesn't have to be this way. You're an adult now. You can take control.

When I'm this down, I try to remind myself of the wonderful moments in my life, both big and small. My daughter being born. Smelling a rose. Things that I would miss if I wasn't here. There may be crap days, but there are also good experiences too.

You're more than your job. Just because you're not working does not mean that you are worthless and deserve to go in a hole.

Take good care of yourself.