It doesn't sound like either situation is ideal to be honest. Yes we have behaviours which are unacceptable and need looking at - but BPD is a disorder based around reactions, triggers. It can't have been fun growing up with a father who abused you - or dealing with a mum who's now sick. So maybe readjusting your parents priority in your life is important action to take. Because they won't be around forever and you want to be able to enjoy them in a way that's balanced and has boundaries. But they have to reciprocate this. We can't change people who don't want too - so it may well be the case that eventually you make a measured choice about how much they factor into your life at all. But for now, I hope at this facility you're learning how to deal with personal interaction better, what about some work on the behaviour towards you in early life? To answer your last question more specifically; i think working towards your own life and what you want from it should be paramount at your age. You have a right to your own being and sense of self - use this facility to further that quest. All the best.