"At the same time the emotions I felt when I saw them watching me were hostile. It is a rare occassion that I can empathise with what makes people bigots and jerks. I felt pain and the impulse to close the door in their faces, to run them off, to say "you don't belong here". Because they were superior to me. Ita not a fatal flaw that I am not a ballerina. I never wanted to be a ballerina. Perhaps that's why I could master myself and get over myself and be a little objective. Or maybe I am developed enough to intellectualise while others project. " quote Teacake

You didn't really get a chance to know them, you wanted to just shut the door on them because you felt they threatened your sense of mastery or authority. You assumed that your feelings of "they were going to be bigots or jerks" was the truth, but that is "all about you" and what they "may" have been able to offer is how at one time they were like you and what they had to work hard at to achieve where they are. The truth is "they were not perfect and neither were you".

However, I am no big deal myself, I have taken chances on other people and been hurt badly. I tried to get along with my neighbors, I showed them respect, thought they would respect me too, but I found out in a horrific way how very much they did not, and still don't and never really did, not with me or anyone. They are "only" happy when others step back while they are "all about themselves" even when being all about themselves invades on others.

I am writing these posts to you Teacake, but in all honesty, I am not doing well at all. I very, very tired so my tone is probably very "off".

OE