Thank you everyone for your feedback. I have decided to take the steps to finding a form of therapy. I realize it's my best chance at being able to love a full life without the whirlwind of emotions constantly. I would love to be able to enjoy my time with my family rather than pretending on the outside and feeling so low inside. You are right, I am no longer a kid and have the right to refuse anything that I feel is more damaging than helpful. I appreciate everyone's opinion very much.