So, I am 14 years old.
Since a little age, although I have a pretty good life, i am never satisfied with anything. I always feel I want more.
Apart from this being my problem, aggrevating a sense of emptiness in my life, I have noticed terrible mood swings. I noticed them about two months ago, before some exams (Engilish) for which I was so stressed about, something unusual for me. See I never get stressed and if I do not like this: about three days before the exams, I was depressed, thought it wasn't worth for me to go and take those exams, although everyone were confident for me passing them, crying and complaining. I hit the low when the next day, we had our last lesson before exams and we had a practise test in which I did very good and from sad I went to the other edge, overcondident and sure about myself. I thought this was because of the exams. But for the next exams I got suddenly bored and couldn't focus on reading and thus didn't read almost at all. No words needed, I did poorly on those. Now, I am terrified of my mood swings. I noticed this especially after the exams, when the one day i was motivated to do things, get creative and have awesome holidays. The other day I will be depressed, angry at everyone, self conscious, and I will likely cry. My parents do know and my mum recently suggested that I did some research upon my mood swings. Also my dad has noticed this, a person who doesn't notice details like my mum. They both have noticed my mood swings as the one day i will be the loving daughter and the next I will mention every single mistake of them in a conversation...
I also worry about cutting myself. I did it for the first time on Christmas. My cousin came over for my birthday and I was on a diet (not a dangerous one, healthy eating)a pretty much successful attempt of mine. But the fact is that I couldn't eat another piece of cake and he and my mum would kind of moke me for that. It got me kind of upset, I am always, as the rest of us I suppose, moody when trying to lose weight. But the fact is that he spend so much time on my laptop and he wouldn't spend so much time with me as he used too. Another thing that got me upset, in combination with my period. So I got into the bathroom, took the scissors and scratched myself just to get the range out. I did this rarely, but a couple of days ago I did it with a razor and left me bleeding, not a bad one. I promissed to myself that I would never do this, but I did it again, on my left arm always.
Also I have problem with food, cuz since Christmas I started binge eating at night. I got overly attached to food this year in the point of me waiting and counting the hours until i get to eat. Because of this, I have been on several attempts to lose weight, I am on a healthy weight, but summer is here so...
I feel rather motivated to get my mind together and have an amazing holiday here at home, away from school and stress, but I feel an emptiness, although I have everything available, both emotionally and psychologically . I am also afraid of another mood swing and the depression it brings. Also I can't stop thinking about food and feeling hungry although I eat enough...
Not to mention that no other member of my family has any sort of mental desease...Please help....