I don't know where to put this. So I put it here.

So apparently I am a stalker. Let me start off with my story. I've always been unhappy. I've only had one boyfriend my entire 31 years of existence. Even that didn't last very long. On Feb 2013. I met a man off a dating website. I have a drinking problem that I'm trying to sort through now. On my birthday,I went out with a friend. Had a few drinks.The man I was texting with on the website was talking to me. Later on that night, he came over. I told him to bring alcohol and he did. We watched a movie, got drunk and one thing led to another. He left later on really early in the morning. After that, I was too hungover to talk to him about the events of last night.

The next day I talked to him on the phone when my head was a bit clearer. He told me he had fun but next time he would like to hang out sober. We talked on and off. But I did not want anything serious with him. A few weeks later, I noticed something going on with my body. I had bleeding which I confused for my period. I should of known better. I waited a month for my period and at that time I did not speak to that man. It was my choice. I didn't want to talk to him anymore. When that month was up. I finally took a pregnancy test. I was pregnant.

Me never being pregnant before scared me. I honestly thought I couldn't get pregnant. I must of gotten lucky. Until now. I have some health problems I do not wish to discuss. But I'm not one for abortion. I'm very pro-life. I decided to tell him. He picked me up and we discussed it. I told him I couldn't have a baby. I didn't tell him why. He was so understanding. We made love and I made my decision. I waited a few weeks so he could pay his half. Between those few weeks. I told him I wanted a relationship. He said he was sorry but we are just friends. I got angry at him. Yelled at him. So he told me to leave him alone for a few days cause he was angry at me. I couldn't wait for him to pay his half. So I went to the clinic on my own. The first doctor denied me. Said something about my blood count and how far along I was could be dangerous. Apparently I was 14 weeks. I was already emotionally traumatised. So I texted him and he ignored me.

I went to another doctor and he agreed to do it. The day of my procedure I told him. He was so mean to me. His exact words were "good get a receipt." Then he told me he never wanted to speak to me asagain. So I got it done. I was in tears. I regretted my decision. But I couldn't have a baby. It would of harmed me too. But it doesn't mean that I still don't love my angel. A few weeks passed. I had weird symptoms. My body felt like it had a baby. I went back to my alcoholism and called him. He ignored me. I got so drunk and called him a lot. The next day he threatened to call the police if I didn't leave him alone. So I left him alone.

For 6 months I was in agony. I constantly cried over the loss of my baby. I saw him online on the dating suite I met him on. I messaged him. He decided to give me a chance at being friends. We made love again. He added me on Facebook and I said something on there he didn't like. He took me off and said I needed to stop acting like his girlfriend. I got drunk again. I sent him a few texts and he blocked me. We didn't talk for a few months. This last time I think it's over. I have a drinking problem. I invited him over. And when he left. I tagged him in a facebook status thanking him for visiting me. I was doing so good. We were talking again and I stopped drinking. When he saw it. He untagged himself. For a week I asked him why and what did I do wrong. He ignored my messages. I got his phone number through a mutual friend and called him. Also was drinking.

He answered and got angry that I tried to get his personal information. He then put my number on auto reject. This time was bad. I got very drunk and dialed his number a lot. I left messages from screaming, to crying and to beg him to give me another chance. I haven't heard from him since. But I have heard through my friend that he was posting on Facebook how crazy I am. Saying I'm a stalker. What I did was awful, I won't lie. But he also lied and exaggerated the truth. He said I was stalking him for two years. He changed his number and address cause of me. Which wasn't true. He changed address cause his parents kicked him out and his phone was turned off cause he couldn't afford it. He also said that I said I wanted to be his wife. Never true. He said I wanted his children. The only child I want was the one I lost.

I told him I loved him which he thought was the biggest insult ever. He told people we only slept together once which was also a lie. I know I screwed up and I probably won't ever get him back. I'm not a horrible person. He does things a lot to hurt my feelings. And when he does, I go back to my drinking and act crazy. I'm at fault for my mistakes but he is equally as mean when he took advantage and left me all alone to mourn the loss of my child. I have left him alone. I can't eat or sleep. I'm finally working on my drinking problem for good and going to meetings. I want him back but I know that's not possible. The only reason why was cause of that baby. It would be so much easier if that never happened.