I am uber picky. I mean picky BEYOND picky. Then again, it is sort of necessitated by my PTSD and my unwillingness to settle for anyone who doesn't even attempt to support me. I'm in my mid thirties with no children. I think I am finally in a relationship, but then again, I don't really know. Yes, I am a bit clueless, as I've never been able to say I have a boyfriend, so really, I have no clue what is going on. It feels very sad, I mean, that I am just now experiencing things that most go through as a teenager.

Its depressing that other than my brother, I am the only one of all my cousins who isn't married. My now deceased grandfather showed his approval through the gifting of large sums of money for graduations & marriages, and I sadly got none. Yes, I did graduate from grad school, but as the black sheep, of course, I was left out. And of course, no money for getting married....God forbid he give his granddaughter who literally got dealt the crappiest hand in life any money, but noooo. Really, its not about the money, my point is that he showed his approval through $$$$$$$$ and since I never got married, I never got his approval. I don't care about the money.....I am still working through the issue of never getting the approval I wanted all my life (from my mom & her dad), but I will never get it. Ugh. Sorry to ramble, but yes, I come from a family where marriage means you are worthy. Apparently, in their eyes, I am not.