l know living has to be the only option, but it feels such an endurance. l am working 12 hours a day and can function when l am there, but In between l just feel terrible. It is so hard to be motivated to do all the self care stuff, when there is zero motivation or energy.

And l can't bear after 4 years of therapy to still be in this dark hole. l am beginning to think this is as good as it gets and all l can do is tick off the days one by one, like a count down to Christmas.