Ohhhhhh... I wish I could be there to help.... you are not alone.... ANYTIME you wish to "talk" please feel free to PM me. It feels like you are telling my story... There are so many reasons why you have stayed, why I stayed.... reasons that are diffcult for the rest of the world to understand.... NO ONE EVER deserves to be abused no matter what.... ever...

I was terrified of my husband, he'd tried to kill me before... and I saw what he did to his first ex-wife (after we were married). She suffered terribily. I thought that I was absolutely worthless (I'm not). The only thing that I could think of after 12 years of marriage was to call a therapist - it took many cancelled appointments, and false trys before I made it there. I kept it a secret, went at lunch and they promised not to send a bill ever to my home...I went for a whole year before I could even think of leaving. He had so beaten me down I didn't think I could ever make it on my own. He told me that I was so horrible that no one BUT him could ever put up with me or love me - that I was unloveable - I believed him. (I had no home to run back to).

So I can just imagine what you are going thru with no support. And the fact that he attempted sucide...more manipulation..
So why did we stay, cause they "try" to take away everything from us.... but they don't really....

If you decided to leave, pls accept my advice - plan, plan, plan... (don't even tell your children).... after much couseling and helping other women.... the most time to be concerned is during the leaving and right after...

I worked with a women, that had just had a baby, she had lived in an abusive marriage for 7 years... He used to sleep with a gun in the bed with them so that if she tried to leave - well that "he would take care of it". She went to a women's support group in secret for a long time before she took the plunge and left... she planned, planned, planned... too so that she was safe when she made the move.. she went to a series of safe houses... He was also depressed and treatened sucide... but she felt that it was his life and if that is what he choose - that he was responsible for his descion.

So we all stay in our marriages for reasons.....The effects of martial abuse is so complicated.

Bless you,
freewill