I believe you may have hit upon the answer! I, too, focused only on my career, and when that was gone, my whole world was, too.

I understand his resentment, too. Although you are the unfortunate recipient of the outward expression of his resentment, he is really resenting his own choices. He will probably feel lost for a very very long time, especially after an entire lifetime of a single-focused interest.

I'm so like that too - wanting to be left alone, even though it totally contradicts. For me, it is a result of the shame I feel about feeling resentment toward the one I love, most especially when I know it is entirely my fault.

Hope that one made sense. Just keep doing what you are doing; and always ask him to join you (on things that he also may enjoy doing) anyway. He will soon notice that he is the one holding himself up.

Question? Does he ever spend the money he makes? I ask because I have noticed that my parents, when they retired, had a whack of money yet would not (could not?)spend it - on anything!

Now that my father has passed away (8 years now), I am still nagging my mom to spend it (although she is not having as much trouble doing that as my father did), but she is still way too conservative, in my opinion. I know this thinking is a generational thing, but I / we (rest of the kids) all want to see her enjoy the "good life" she and my father spent their lives saving to have!

What type of work did you husband do? Is there a way for him to use his incredible knowledge and experience to help others (such as a lecturer/instructor at local schools/colleges, or helping in a community where his skills may be sorely lacking)?

I don't know - these are just some ideas I'm throwing out there...

My father had retired (twice - from 2 different careers) way too young, and I believe that it had a great deal to do with the worsening of an illness he had that resulted in his death. He was a man whose mind NEEDED to be engaged all the time. Unfortunately, he never did find "golfing" to be enough for him to do for the rest of his life. He was a thinker - a mathematical and a logistical type. I believe these types of individuals need always to be engaged in serious stuff. (Not saying that what you are engaged in is not serious, but serious in the sense of what that means to him).

I saw a program on this very issue. It was a new phenomena happening in Japan - they even gave it a name, something like 'retired husband syndrome' where so many husbands were retiring and were starting to drive their wives insane!! So many older women were seeing their doctors because of stress and anxiety caused by their husband's behaviours (similar to what you are experiencing) which was a direct result of retirement and/or forced retirement. Sad, huh?

Sorry for going on and on. I guess I am just trying to make you feel better (?) This rant, however, won't change your husband...

AS