I hear you hvert! It takes sooooo much conscious effort and energy to not treat people as if they're the same as my family. My instinct is still "RUN!!!!" or "HIDE!!". I've just had a loooot of experience being stuck where I am, so I learned new techniques and perspectives.

And hyperawareness stinks, doesn't it? With people I'm close to... I notice even the slightest little changes. If they change in a way that reminds me of my family (who have a lot of narcisstic traits themselves) I'm on guard and ready to bolt. Hence the mantra of "they're not my family, don't treat them like they are". haha.

Good luck hvert! It'll take lots of effort but you can totally make changes to how you interact with people. And a lot of time. And a lot of relapes. But don't give up and just keep on trying