I've noticed that when a lot of people with mental health issues feel angry, they tend to want to turn it in on themselves... which is what I think may be happening with you since you mentioned wanting to end it all. It sounds like you need to find a way to express your anger in a safe way that works for you.

It seems to me like you're fairly isolated right now, as you know that definitely doesn't help. I think if you had someone to talk to, therapist or not, you would probably feel a lot better.

That's my take on it. Also, you know how to reach me if you do want to talk to someone.