I hate summer. There is all this pressure to be outside enjoying the weather, when all I want to do is sleep in the air conditioning. Everyone is so happy in the summer- I feel like punching them in the face. My son is off from school and I try to keep him occupied and happy and it's so hard when I just want to be alone and sleep. The pretty flowers and sunshine and all that crap do nothing for me. I hate the mosquitos and the humidity and the heat and the pressure and the family gatherings, pretending to be someone I am not. All of this hiding my illness and feelings is exhausting. Sleeping like crap- can't fall asleep and then I wake up so many times, sometimes screaming because of horrific dreams. It's like being on this ride that goes around and around and there is no way to get off ever because it won't stop and it's faster and faster. Like a living nightmare.