I am like that bully in school that follows you around wherever you go. She makes fun of my clothes, my hair, my everything. Whenever I make a mistake, there she is to say ‘I told you would mess it up, stupid’. I can never seem to escape the almost constant barrage of negative thoughts being thrown at me. It is funny, I would never think these things about anyone else. I cannot seem to wrap my own head around how mean I am to myself. That doesn't even make sense. I am the one who controls these thoughts. How can I not control these thoughts? I sabotage everything that I do in my life. I refuse to talk to my friends because they are all achieving things in life, while I sit at home by myself all day. I hate it when people ask me what I am doing this summer… ‘Oh, you know just hanging out’… Great, she is back again, ‘No, you are just too lazy to get a job. You can’t even get a license because you are too scared. You are pathetic.’ She is always there and sometimes I seriously believe these things…
What is happening to me?