I was in a group for about 5 years and really bloomed as a result of it. I was rather needy at the time and the group actually allowed me to see how other's worlds were and actually find that I was not too unusual despite my prior observations. I found a way to come out of my shell and grow. It was not easy and sometimes talking was embarrasing but I had to spill it somewhere.
I wonder if ... someone else said...I think right above me... it is the content of the group or the people in the group? Maybe a different group would do you better?
I also went to ACOA meetings and a woman's group elsewhere... yes I was VERY needy. I found that the ACOA meetings particularly all have a different personality. Some worked. Some did not.
Anyhow back to the long term group... I think that along with finding similarities we also addressed how relationships within the group developed in the group. There were things that really irritated us about each other as well as things that bonded. Both of those experiences allowed investigation and exploration to find out what set of the feelings and emotiions. It allowed a safe environment to confront these issues, investigate and work through them. New opportunities were prevalent and continually showed themselves.
To start the group I met with the leader for several meetings first for her to get to know us and then I was introduced to the meeting. That was indeed not easy... as you have said. And the others did say it was hard to welcome new folks in... so that was difficult but things settled in and flourished.
I am not too sure how I would feel about having the group leader as my therapist. Seems like too many eggs in the basket or something. I liked having a separate therapist and I could bring in group issues if I needed or wanted to ... but do not recall doing that alot.
So what does not feel right about the place, people, experience? Good luck tomorrow. Tell them all what you think.... might as well.

whatever... shake things up a bit ... for you and/or them. Fish or cut bait.... or at least question the bait.