jrae, I'm so very sorry for what you're going through. It does sound as if you're exhausted. Having grown up on a farm, I truly agree that the air, the animals, just the general feeling of country, is healing and wonderful, and I hope and pray you can continue there. I don't have all the practical help available at my fingertips, but I know where there IS some, though I don't know what you've tried and what you haven't. However, here it is, and if you can use it, I'm glad: hospital mental health centers have free information, pamphlets, addresses and phone numbers of places and people you could start with. Usually, I've found, if I start searching and try to talk to people in professional situations like that, something pops up that might help. Churches, pastors, also have information like this. These are people who usually want to help. You're not always going to find 100% friendly, caring people, but your odds are better if you go to places like that and explain your situation. You may have to repeat yourself often, but each time you do it's a step toward an answer.

Please forgive me if this doesn't help. I will hold you in good thoughts, and I'll pray for you. With sincere caring, Juleeo