I am so sorry you are suffering so. I don't know that I ever felt guilt. I just felt that god hated me, abandoned me, that I must be a bad person to have deserved such pain in my life. but I am better now. I was patient and found meds that didn't make me a zombie. it takes trying a bunch of different meds and really advocating for yourself with your dr. drs hated me because I wouldn't stay on anything for longer than a month. if it had side effects I didn't like I went off it. if it wasn't working I went off it. I didn't wait longer or increase the dose. I wanted something that worked. and I found the right drugs. it was all worth it. pain in the *** but now all that pain and suffering is gone and I am living a successful painfree life for years now. it is possible. don't give up. fight for it. take care.