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Originally Posted by Shy Introvert
Recently my self-esteem took a beating since some you know what told me that she was only humoring me since she felt sorry for me for having a lack of friends and that I was weird, inappropriate, etc...
I know that not everyone is going to like or accept me, but that has not been the first time that someone has been fake nice to me. Over time a few acquaintances have talked behind my back and have called me "weird" and "crazy" behind my back, ugh! I was never anything but nice to all of them. I did end up defriending them after I heard about this of course!
Anyways, thank goodness that I never got to close to them. The problem is that I've struggled with depression and social anxiety since I was a teenager. I think that a lot of people don't want to waste much time on someone who's shy and quieter than most people. I've even heard some of them say that in the time that it takes to try to get a shy person to open up, they can be making ten new friends instead. Ugh!
I'm not super shy. I'm friendly and I'll talk to just about anyone who seems nice. I hate making the first move though, but I can if I have to. I just suck at knowing how to read people. There have been to many times when other people have told me let's hang out again, and then they never call or email me back. So, how can you tell when someone is being sincere and when they're just being fake nice just to be "polite"?
Is there any sure way to tell? I tend to take what people say literally. I'm not the best at reading social cues and body language. Tomorrow I'm going to meet a bunch of new women in a small group setting & I'm nervous about it. I sure don't want anyone to be "nice" to me just because they feel sorry for me, or that they feel obligated to just be "polite" as to not make themselves look "rude".
So how can I tell when people mean what they say and when they're just full of it and fake? Sometimes it takes me a long time to figure that out and by then I ended up wasting to much time on them and I end up feeling stupid since I ended up trusting them more than I should've! I'm so sick of getting hurt by these phonies! I'd really appreciate any advice! If anyone has any stories to share, or if you can relate to it in anyway, then I'd love to hear it!
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don't trust anyone until they have earned it..as simple as that.90% of people you meet are full of ***** these days , period.
i used to give people the benefit of the doubt, i don't do that any more..i have been burned too many times.
yes there are still good people out here but they are few and far in between.
1. first time someone doesn't back up what they said...they showed you who they are.
2. people that only call you when the want something/need something..big red flag.
3.in my book now.you are phony until proven otherwise.
4. if someone really wants to be your friend, they will make it a point to talk to you..spend time with you & make plans with you. they will want to talk to you on the phone..see you in person and do things...texting and e mails are so impersonal, it's a shame talking on the phone seems to be a dying art. e mails and text are control mechanisms( i'll be bothered with you when i want to/it's convenient for me/i have nothing better to do,etc. true friends will talk to you on the phone, see you and do things with you.
5. they don't call..fugettaboutit! e mails are for business purposes and people not on a personal level..aquaintences/business partners and not FRIENDS.
about the shy thing..pay it no mind, i'm not shy at all and i meet people easily, if you meet "10" new friends in two months you'll be talking to one of 'em, so So WHAT! i would rather have 1 real friend than 10 "people" i know.
i know hundreds of people but i talk to,associate with very few..some people want friends just for the sake of saying they have them..ask these people for 50 bucks and you will quickly find out how many REAL friends you have!
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I have learned that i and i alone am responsible for my happiness, most people these days are as reliable as wet toilet paper!
