I'm sorry you are struggling so much right now... I go through feeling guilty because "I should know better" and know how to "fix" this. I "should" be able to pull myself out of all this crap, since I have found meds do not work for me (except maybe very occasional use of anti-anxiety meds, like once a year or so). All they do is take away my reasoning ability and increase the duration of the depression. Mine comes and goes in waves much faster and more reliably when I am not on meds... and I have the education and experience to have talked others through this same stuff, so I "should" be able to get myself through it... but the truth of it is that this sucks and I need help getting through.
I've found too many "professionals" that get stuck in the concept of diagnosis without attention to the individual. It's easier to slap a label on someone and follow the recommended prescriptions than it is to figure out what's really going on, and what will really help.
Depression and eating disorders can sneak up on you. They come in quietly and whisper at you. You can think that you will get through it on your own but then, before you know it, you need a crane to pull you out of a pit so deep you can't even see the light at the top... at least, that's the way things happen for me. Even if I happen to ask for help before I am too far gone, everyone is expecting me to be competant because I can still tell them what's wrong. They don't realize that by the time I ask for help, I'm barely hanging on... I keep having to remind myself that I can't be angry either with myself or with others because I have a penchant for understatement... I keep reminding myself that each day, I do the best I can with what I have. It's really difficult to remember, but I try. It helps alleviate the guilt for a moment. (gentle hugs)
Would you be able to call 211 and see if they can help you out? I know their duties differ by state, but I have been able to access at least mobile crisis through them, who then hooked me up with other services.
Sorry I rambled so much. I don't mean to take over the thread...