All the angst we have with ourselves and trying to push and shove ourselves in one direction or another as our head decides we'd like -- you get older (I'm in my 60s) and realize it was pretty much a waste of time. If you do/do not do something, leave yourself alone, you'll do/not do something else when it is right for you. I'm not saying wait for "inspiration" (which never comes :-) just don't beat yourself up. Instead look for ways to help yourself. It's like worry, it's always about the future and we can't know the future so it is kind of a waste of time? If you are worried about something you look for ways to help yourself so you don't have to worry, not worry about being worried If you don't like the pain, you look for something that might help ease it. Right now going to the doctor or a therapist, etc. might just be a bit much and cause more pain but maybe taking a shower, going for a walk, just "sitting" outside in the sun for a couple minutes, watching the world go by might help. Maybe go get yourself an ice cream?