There's no need to apologize for the post. It helped reading it, because a lot of what you said made sense to me.. the eating disorder really did sneak up on me, whispering... I feel like I had no warning for what it would soon do. And in the beginning, I definitely felt like I could handle it on my own. And the depression, too. But there came a point - I'm not sure when, but it happened - when I realized I was falling apart and I needed help.

I try to remind myself that I do the best I can and tell myself that I always will, it helps sometimes. Today, it doesn't seem to be helping at all. The guilt today is unbearable. I used to know all my triggers, but it seems that lately I have so many that I cannot keep up. I have never felt more fragile, for lack of a better term... The meds.. they took away my reasoning ability, as well. I'd be willing to try more, provided I can find insurance soon. But I'm still not convinced they're for me. Sometimes, I just need to interact with another human. But I felt like... they were stuck on the diagnosis's without attention to me.

I would have to charge my phone, but I think I should have some time left on it. The place I used to go to gave me a number for their crisis, but I never found it useful. Maybe another one would be more useful, at least. I should charge it tonight. I can feel myself slipping, and I admit that I scare me sometimes as of late when that happens.

I don't think you took over the thread. Thank you for posting. I needed it.