Please go over to the psychotherapy forum and read how many posts are coming from adults who are still struggling with the pain that started in childhood from insecurity, parental rejection, neglect and worse.

I am a step-mother. When my step-daughter was 13, she was intent on purposely making my life hell. She succeeded most of the time. She played both ends against the middle, she schemed, she lied, etc etc. Those were the worst years of my life. Not so very good for her either. So it goes. She was 13. All she'd really ever known was insecurity. Just like your boyfriend's daughter. That's the main point to keep in mind. She's still a child, entering the hellacious teenage years. You, on the other hand, are an adult.

In the end, my step-daughter grew up, she even apologized, and we get on famously now. The thing is, I knew it was a package deal going in. If I wanted the man, and I did, then the kid was part of it. She could not be discarded when she stopped being a cute pre-teen and turned into a hormone raging teenage mutant from the universe of multiple divorces and dysfunctional parents and vengeful in-laws, out-laws and step-families.

You fell in love with a man who has children. That means ex-partners, too, and complications and co-parenting and sometimes it's just not too damn much fun. That's reality.

Someone has to be the adult in this situation. That would be you. Whether you like it or not. You are the adult. And, of course, your boyfriend, too. He's an adult and you didn't say much about how he's handling this. You did say you couldn't care less about her and you don't want her around, that she's playing games and she's old enough to know better.

What about you? Are you old enough to know how to step back, get your own act together, figure out what part of this mess belongs to your boyfriend and which part belongs to you and then do something to make it better?

Kicking a 13 year old to the curb, while hoping to hang onto the dad, is not a good solution, even when that 13 year old is a gigantic pain in the behind.

You might benefit by having a few counseling sessions with a therapist where you can vent your rage in a safe place and perhaps get some tips on how to deal with the machinations of a teen who's on her third mother figure. Be sure to tell your boyfriend what you're doing and why. You're seeing a counselor because you are stressed to the max by the family conflict with his daughter and you need some help to cope. After you have your anger under control and can talk without spouting words you can never take back, then get your boyfriend in there so the two of you can learn to work as a team to solve these problems together. Maybe the solution will be to send the girl back to live with her mom If that's the case, it's something that has to be accomplished in as loving and calm a way as possible, with the girl having a chance to be part of the process.

What happens during these formative years will stay with her for years, maybe forever. It can make or break her. Bottom Line: Kids are not disposable. Not even the obnoxious ones.