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Originally Posted by Breezy~Day
With groups, you may just not want to deal with groups. If you really do or need to, maybe you should work on dealing with them. You may not like the "group mentality" they have. Or maybe you just don't like the people too well? That's understandable. It may be the people you are hanging around aren't nice, even if you have the same interests as they do. If you don't know how to "jump in" or feel everything you say is taken badly by everyone else, than you may want to work on that. Look at the areas in your parts of the conversation that people don't like, if that's the case, and figure what it is your saying. If it's your mental and physical disability, you may need help from people with the same problems or a therapist. I know you said not many people have the same problem, but there's so many people on this Earth that they may just be hiding. Of course, I don't know what you have, but I'm sure others have what you have. Are you very sure of what you have yet? We are all human, too. I just want to let you know.
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Well, I have to deal with groups if I want to have the career I want. Being able to deal with a group and actually connecting to people within that group are two different things. I can interact with them professionally and even casually, but it doesn't mean they known anything about me or vice versa.
I've stopped liking people at all. Any capacity I had to care has been systematically destroyed as I grew up. All I know is that if you care at all, it will be used ruthlessly to further their own gains.
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Originally Posted by Breezy~Day
Now on touching, I'm assuming you're thinking of being sexually touched, correct? It's understandable if you're only interested in people you are attracted to that it could happen a lot.  You don't have to be alone with people who are sexually available to you. You can make friends outside of people you're interested in or who aren't interested in you. But you said you don't care about people like that? Then maybe it's part of your type of personality. I personally am purposely a little colder in relationships (friendships) with people who I feel might be interested in me, or I think I am interested in. You should set your boundaries, and stick by them. It's hard, but manageable. If you don't like to be touched by anyone, than let others know. I do, and it's never a problem. If you do make friends with people who are sexually available to you, please remember to keep the boundaries you want and don't let anything slip. It sounds like you are very capable of making friends. Maybe you can give nonromantic relationships a try? I've never had a romantic relationship before, and I can say they honestly sound like a lot of work as well… |
Touching usually happens when they like me because I don't initiate. I can't ask for it either as that would just come off wrong and I'm apparently bad at hinting at it as I've lost any opportunity at a second date by trying to hint that I wanted something more. By something more, I mean kissing or something, but it must have come across as I wanted to have sex with him because he straight up disappeared. In other instances, I really don't even want to kiss (I have to have been drinking to even kiss someone) but it always goes there and much farther. I'm still technically a virgin somehow (there have been at least two people who had the opportunity to make me not a virgin and I'm actually very surprised they didn't just have sex with me even if I told them not to. Who was going to stop them? Nobody. Who would report them? Not me. Would they ever get in trouble? No. I'm more terrified of the police than of them anyway.
Besides, it doesn't matter what I say. Even if I say I need to be in a certain position, they would pretty much ignore me anyway. Usually I'm not mentally nor physically present in any sort of situation where it becomes sexual. Even at the mention of a kiss, I shut down and am unable to say anything. When forced through a sexual encounter, my mind goes to anywhere else it can. I've never even enjoyed kissing and it gets worse with each subsequent encounter. The last person I went on a date with I told upfront that anything less than an emphatic "yes" from me is a no. And for some sadistic reason he still asks me for a kiss at the end of the date. At least he interpreted my inability to think or speak as a no rather than a yes. But of course it's a joke to him…I should have never gone on a date with him. I was never attracted to him in the first place…I just give a chance to anyone who likes me (because that doesn't happen very often). I should also note that I'm never attracted to anybody who's attracted to me. Oh and everyone is always technically sexually available.
To make everything so much worse, the healthier I am, the higher my sex drive is. I have to stop what I'm in the middle of doing to take care of myself so I can even concentrate and not be on the verge of pain (it's a weird sensation to describe). And there's no actual reason for me to become aroused half the time that I do. And despite how much I despise it and think of it as a chore, I get off easily by myself usually. I can't get off with someone else. I lose any ability to feel anything.
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Originally Posted by Breezy~Day
About friends, you should also ask yourself if you really want friends. Even if you think you don't, remember that no friendship is perfect and takes a lot of work from both sides. Sure, some people may be happy to yap and yap while you listen, but most people don't like to be friends with someone who doesn't talk much. They may start to feel like they're talking to a "doll" and get bored. Plus, some people take advantage of these one-sided relationships. A lot of people are okay with not having friends, or having just a few close friends. I think the later takes up the majority of all people.
Plus, when you talk, how are you sure what you're talking about isn't understood by the other person? It's strange that when you simplify it, they still don't understand? Are you simplifying your words enough? If you are, maybe the other person just doesn't want to learn it. Are you speaking clearly? Some people may just be distracted by other aspects of you, like if you have a strong stare. Plus, some people like hearing about new things they don't understand. Explaining things to people is one of my favorite parts of conversations.
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Just because I'm polite enough to listen to someone talk about something that's a really big deal to them that no one else wants to listen to because it's a long dark story doesn't mean I don't talk.
I know I'm not being understood because I often get responses that contradict what I said or ask a question that I answered several times. I can see on here clearer because it's all in writing.
My jaw's messed up so I have a slight speech impediment (it was apparently much worse when I was a kid) and perhaps I use too much slang/accent in casual conversation but other than having to repeat myself or restart a sentence, I really don't know how I can be much clearer. There's really not a whole lot I can do…I guess never hang out around people who use slang or speak in other languages that I'm not fluent in? But still, even if I'm trying to talk completely normal, I apparently still have an "accent" or so I've been told.
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Originally Posted by Breezy~Day
Also, it sounds like you're in school and busy working on what you're doing. If you work too, than yes, you are as busy as a "normal" person. Some people don't understand or remember what it's like to be in school. When they ask for you to do things, please remind them that you're tired or have been working. If you are less available, than of course people won't be as connected to you as before. You're busy, so there's no time to hang around you. Some people just don't want to understand that.
Thank you for explaining that music is stressful for you. It does seem you love it and are willing to stick by it. Do you have other interests or hobbies you can do without other people? There are thousands of things a person can do alone. I personally like writing and drawing. It's a big relief to do something that you can fully concentrate on and have your mind taken off other things. During a very rough time in my life, writing was what kept me going. It lets you be yourself. There's crafts, arts, sports, woodworking, and even travelling that can be done alone.
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I'm not working and I'm not in school. I'll resume school in the fall, but I'm taking a break from that and doing some gigs hear and there for a bit of money. So technically, no matter how much I'm doing, I'm not doing anything at all. I'm no where near as busy as a normal person. I don't have a relationship. I don't have a family outside of my parents. I do most things alone, almost to the point I resent them. I write but I keep asking myself why bother? If I do write, I write with the intention of being published, otherwise there is no other point and since writing is my secondary area of experience/expertise etc., that's probably not that likely. So again, why bother?
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Originally Posted by Breezy~Day
Often, when I'm in a group and don't talk, people may just glance at me but flat out ignore me. I've always felt like a bad person for no clear reason. Actually, from a young age, most people have excluded me and put me down for no reason. Even as an adult people like to insult me and ignore me. I usually have had friendships with people who don't care who their friends are or people who are mean and use me. There's probably many reasons, but I think the main reason I'm left out often is that I barely ever change myself to make others agree with me. I'm not the type to try to force myself to fit in, and I keep my distinct personality. Some people just want to be around others who are like them, and everyone else who is different is "wrong." Jeez... I've had to learn to deal with different personality types over time. It's not so bad... Spending time alone is not so bad either.
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I personally have seen a reason that people excluded me/put me down etc. As a child/teenager, I was ugly, top or near the top of the class, teacher's pet, either too skinny (as a child) or too fat (as a teen), I didn't understand the games other kids played etc. etc. I've had to change the way I look in order to not be ignored. And apparently it's worked because if I'm doing something that ends up on TV, the camera (and editors) focus on me and usually not the other people around me.