I am in shock. Serious shock.

Last night, armed only with my single, trusty grounding statement, I experienced my first orgasm withOUT ASF. Simply by responding to any images/scenes with "Stay in your body, stay in your body". It happened.

It was very, very strange. I felt everything from tingles on my scalp to twitchings in my toes, and I got a real big fright - I gasped, and the out-breath seemed to last forever. I felt so vulnerable, as I experienced a total loss of control. Without participation in ASF I was totally in my body, and allowing another person to manipulate it, without me controlling whether or not I orgasm (which is something I can do if I partially leave my body to go to ASF).

I don't know what else to say right now. It's one of the weirdest experiences I have ever had, it is beyond words to fully illustrate.

I still felt teary afterwards, but it was different. It was almost relief, tinged with sadness, but not because I felt raped, but because of what I had been missing for so long, because i trusted my partner enough to be fully prenset with him, and he loved me, he didn't hurt me. It didn't hurt at all. My biggest fear was put to bed.

I almost don't want to believe it. I'm actually not sure I do. I have to be careful as this might be a fluke. I've been experiencing a minor degree of depersonalisation this week, so reality can be in question - if I'm not real, why would anything else be. But I know I am real really - people can see me, talk to me, etc, I just need to keep an eye on that.

I'll continue to update.

Really hope it wasn't a fluke so I can get happy about it.