I'm usually alone on holidays too. I'm alone today. Tomorrow, I'm going to have dinner with my parents and my sister's family. When I had agoraphobia, I was alone on holidays -- apart from visits from family.

I'm usually alone on holidays because I want to be, though. On Christmas, I choose not to spend Christmas Eve and Christmas morning with the rest of my family at my sister's house. I just go out for the afternoon and Christmas dinner.

I don't like holidays much. They tend to depress me, so I prefer to be by myself. When I'm around my family I try to FORCE myself to be festive, and it's hard work, so I do it in small doses. I think it bothers me that I don't have a husband and kids of my own to spend holidays with... that's a big part of why I would prefer to forget that it's even a "special day." There's too much pressure to be happy on holidays... and that pressure makes me feel worse. I skipped New Year's Eve with my friends this year, because over the past few years, they have all gotten married and started having kids. I didn't feel like being the only single person at the party.