I was physically beaten and sexually abused as a child, and suffered an attack during college where I was held at gunpoint and nearly died. I understand what you mean by life never being the same and having one's innocence lost.

There's nothing anyone can say to "snap" anyone out of the place where you can't see the goodness that life has to offer. I went on to advanced education, a meaningful and fulfilling career, a long term marriage, children, and a happy family life. I have good friends, a nice home, and looking forward to retirement in about 15 years. So the point is you move forward from your trauma. If you're lucky, you see how it shaped you in positive ways, giving you the ability to act swiftly and surely in a crisis or not being afraid to stand up for others who are being bullied. Maybe it gave you an emotional range deeper and more sensitive than most people's, which makes you a good listener and a good friend. Maybe it made you a better parent, because you're more attuned to what your kids need rather than yourself.

For me, all these things happened. I couldn't really tell you how. It's not that I had some magic thought that turned my life into something good. I can say that I used therapy to point me in the direction of where I wanted to go, but I was only able to do that once I'd understood where I'd been. I spent many years in therapy, much of that time in trauma focused work, detailing what I'd been through and seeing how it still lived in me, how I was still affected by it. I worked at living in the now, and not being reactive to what was in my past.

So I think how it's supposed to work is that you end up working towards your future. You appreciate that there is more to life than what happened to you in the past.