OMG-Fuzzy, I love that!

So sorry about that last post-that was me falling asleep with my fingers still on the keyboard. Does anyone else fall asleep in front of their computer?

Yes, this is sort of like a battle between good and evil. Not that mental illness is evil, anymore than cancer or diabetes is evil. That's all about genetic wiring. But I believe that in the ultimate battle between good and evil, part of evil's weaponry will be trying to steal lives when we are at our most vurnerable.

I fail to understand, though, why the concept of fighting for our survival, of banding together to find victory over suicide and suicidal thoughts, could be upsetting to anyone. But I refuse to be controlled by that kind of twisted logic. I suppose this would be more interesting if I said I was going to go looking for a clothesline and a high beam, or that I have enough klonipin stashed to off an elephant. But I've yet to make a post that ends in the words...and I just want to die. But I've read plenty of them.

I honestly do not comprehend that in all of the thousands of members here, why more people don't want to push suicide away-to find a way to live a life where you really feel alive and you don't begin or end each day with those words in your mind? I used to go to sleep, hoping I would never wake up again-praying for that heart attack or that next stroke that would bring me down. It's an easy place to live-comfortable and familiar despite the constant terror.

But I want to live! I want to fight! I want to triumph over depression and have a decent life where I am at least functional. And that is what I have. Because every twenty four hours I ask God for the strength to make it through another day. I'm even learning how to smile and laugh again, and I spend more hours happy than I do sad. And that seems like a wonderful victory to me.

This is what I wish for every person here. To find the courage within yourself to make it just one more day.