Leasam!

Definitely find a therapist!!! That is a very tough issue to deal with.

Years ago (in my first serious relationship) I avoided sex. I avoided it because I found it terribly painful and I just couldn't cope with the pain. I couldn't even talk about it and just tried to find ways to avoid it. It was a long time before I would understand that the pain came from me being unable to relax. I really had to learn how. And yeah, a lot of it had to do with my upbringing (always being told that sex is wrong, etc.). That manifested itself in physical pain for me. I wish I'd gotten help at the time because that relationship ended up never being satisfying sexually. Talk to a therapist about getting past all the negative reactions you have -- I'm sure those are making you tense and miserable and that'll totally ruin sex. But don't let it ruin your relationship! There are people out there who are trained at helping with this kind of stuff!!! It's not even uncommon!

Sidony