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almeda24fan said:
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sidony said:

I've never cried in therapy either. I told my therapist that I waited until I could cope with my breakup (what originally drove me to therapy) before showing up because I couldn't stand the thought of just coming into his office and bawling. I was always struck by his reaction to that -- that he would have admired my being so emotionally open if I had done that. That seems so weird to me. But maybe that's the way your therapist would see it too. As a breed they seem to have a different take on emotions....

Sidony

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Sidony, I'm glad your T said that. He is in a sense telling you it's safe and okay to be so open with him. I think that is so important. Perhaps that is why I haven't done it yet either.

Besides, what will crying with my T accomplish? He isn't going to come over, hug me and say it'll be okay is he? I feel stupid crying and have him sitting there staring at me...why or why can't we sit side by side! Wouldn't that be easier? Well, it would for me.

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THAT'S IT! THANK YOU.

What's it, you ask?

I'll tell you!

I defend myself against crying in 2 different ways when I'm with T.

1. I am able to emotionally disconnect myself from *most* of the things I talk about. When I talk about certain stuff, I feel like I'm talking about a case study-- like these things happened to someone else.

2. There is some stuff I can't emotionally disconnect from. When I talk about this stuff, I just stop myself as soon as I feel like I'm getting too upset. I quickly build a wall, and refuse to let it down.

In both of these instances, I tell T that I won't cry with him there. I know that he wants me to. He wants me to take the walls down.

He always asks why it's not OK to cry in front of him. I never have much of an answer besides, "Because it's stupid." (Very intelligible, I know).

ALMEDA-- you have laid out the words I wanted to say, but never knew how. (That's what I said: THAT'S IT!!)

I'm not going to sit there across from him, completely vulnerable, crying like an %#@&#!. No way. There is too much space and openness in the room-- I feel exposed, there is space between us... It's not like if I cry, he is going to come over and close up some of that space. I will be left in the open space, crying.