Thanks to everyone who responded. I wanted to let everyone know what ended up happening...figure it may help someone down the line. Well, I followed the advice of most responses and let my therapist know what I had done. She then had me committed and asked if I wanted to go to the VA or private hospital. I opted for the VA and that was the worst mistake I could have ever made. After 10 days and no end in sight or help, my husband finally convinced them to discharge me so I could be admitted to a private hospital. Was at the new hospital for 9 days....So basically I have been hospitilized from the 6/3 - 6/22...funtimes to say the least. Know I can't get my head around the fact that I was hospital. It seems like such a fog and like it was someone else and not me...everytime I think about being committed, well I can't think about....I won't let myself think about it...it's just to much for me to handle or to admit. Especially since for the last 40 years through hell and back never needed help....so that's where I've been. Last week I was in a Partial Hospital Program...and this week I am back with my therapsist and an Intensive Outpatient Program 3x week.

I can tell anyone who ever contemplates what I had done, well read this first...when I gave into temption here's what happened...I didn't feel anything...during the acts or after....probably because it's not real enough...so was pretty much a waste of time, but in doing those acts I was committed, almost lost my entire family as the VA said that I was manic and had bipolar and because of my very abusive past it was better for my husband to leave me and that I should never be allowed to be unsupervised around my children, so I almost lost everything and quite honestly the only thing that I felt during the last month, is that I've been running so long, that my past not only caught up to me, but overtook me and just about destroyed me. It was like 40 years of trying to do the right thing in the midst of some of the most horrendous acts that anyone could imagine and here it is I lost everything in a matter of a week. I hope know one ever has to go thru what I did...honestly in the end it was like being victimized all over again...Hope this helps some....