I don't check in here often. Ironically, perhaps, since my struggles with the eating disorder seem to be my biggest trigger for the depression these days. I've been struggling since February to find some kind of help. Every day is a challenge. The other day my mom and I spoke - actually spoke, for the first time in a long time. She said that I'm doing so well for someone who hasn't found help yet. It kind of made me feel strong, and yet made me feel like a fraud, too. Because every day is still a struggle. It made me wonder if she'd have said that if she knew what was going through my head every time I eat.

Depression is hitting me full force. The eating disorder and the depression seem to be working together, attempting to knock me down. But I'm trying to believe I'm as strong as she and my friend, A, believe I am. Maybe, if I keep trying to believe that, one day ... I will. We'll see.

I guess the reason I avoid this section of the forums is because I still struggle with accepting it.

I did well today, at least. Hopefully, tomorrow will be even better.