All I know is that when the keening and wailing begin, then is the time to suggest seeing someone with a sofa to lie on.

Since you are not 'attached' to a professional right now, I'm so very glad you came here - it helps. I can't tell you what to do with guilt as my problem is being unwanted. But, I can truly say that each thought you expressed I feel also. Perhaps there is commonality in simply the disease no matter the feelings.

From one recluse to another: I am going to try and learn to live at a new stage in my life - mid 50's - and I do invite you to come along. At your age, (assuming I'm right) knowing my diseases and what they could do and how they worked helped me be able to maneuver. Maybe study would help?

I'm with ya guy. Peace.