Always wake up with a heavy heart and feel like crying. Miss my old life since the fire. In my head last night I could see and hear my cat Winston meowing and had to open my eyes to try not to cry because my husband was on his way to bed any moment. Was that a sign he was near?? Sometimes I think I'm going crazy. Life is just not the same any more, and I don't like it. I'm not happy. Yesterday I tried walking and tried thinking what would make me happy now. My old life and having everything back, of course, but that's impossible. So besides that... And all I can think of is to just have some peace from all the worrying I tend to do anymore and all the sadness I feel. Just some relief. So my next question to myself was how can I get that?? And that's what I don't know right now...