Hi Rainbowfairy,
Thanks for your courage in starting this thread. I just now read your previous thread and now this one. This exact same issue is one that I'm grappling with now (abusive fantasies), except that my partner was also a victim of csa so he has his own sexual issues to deal with. I've just started reading the Sexual Healing Journey by Wendy Maltz. For the first time, I have some hope that I can change my sexual responses. I know that talking about sex will be huge for me is dispelling the shame and fear, so although it scares the heck out of me I am going to commit to sharing at lest some of my journey here.

FYI, my CSA situation was my father raped me from approx age 4-12. I also have one memory of him giving me to his male friend for oral sex around age 5. Total denial in my family, the usual story.

Also FYI, I find I can only address the sexual stuff periodically, so I expect I will need to disappear from this thread at times.