Okay, now after giving my intro, I'm going to talk about the ASFs. <deep breath>

I recently started having a fantasies about my T and I having sex. I am clear that this is NOT erotic transference since when I am with him and at all other times I don't have sexual/erotic/romantic feelings towards him. I also know that he would NEVER cross that line. In fact, he won't even touch me at all. So I belie that the fantasies are a way of me working out my sexuality in regards to a man in a power/authority role.

One fantasy is what I see to be a "positive" one. It involves T giving me oral sex and not asking for anything in return. Telling me that I deserve to have pleasure. Almost like he is doing it for me as part of the therapy.

Another is of me giving him oral sex and intercourse as payment for therapy. One version is of me talking about the rape during a session and then at the end of the session he tells me it is time for me to pay him by giving him sex. All while there is another client waiting in the waiting room.

I think this one touches on the secrecy aspects, having to walk out of the room and face others who either don't know what is going on or aren't going to do anything about it, and the obligation.

As a start, I am trying to just observe what fantasies come up without trying to change them right now. Just to notice what is happening without pressuring myself to make it different.