Teacake, what did these men show you "protecting you" but not really "being there for you" and how you have viewed the women around them, that has something to do with your father and mother?

When you were "with" one of them you talk about his confusion about you, taking you in, yet confused at the same time as to how you were different from what they knew.

If you had a daughter instead of a son, would you have known how to fill "her" needs as you had for your son?

There is an ongoing theme to your puzzle that you keep hitting road blocks with.

If the ballet dancers you wanted to shut out were men, would have felt the same way? Or, would you have felt "safer" with them being there?

In "different ways" both women "and" men let you down in your life. Why, is it so hard for you to ask your son for help?
You have said he "could", he is secure enough, but you don't want to go there with him.

OE