AS _ Thanks for the follow up post. I appreciate your openness more than you can know. My husband and I try very hard to be good examples to our grandchildren, as well as having lots and lots ofhugs and kisses for them ! I am totally staying out of any part of my son and his wife's "issues" - he is an adult, and has to live his own life. I might hate seeing him with claw marks on his face, or a bruise on his cheek, and I have hugs for him too, but I say nothing anymore - he deals with his wife in his way. I am totally pleasant and non judgemental towards D-in-L when we are together, which is often, as all our family lives within walking distance on my husband's family homeplace where we all built new homes. Walking distance out in the country can be a long way, and even in winter, we still HEAR D-in-L frequently. We have offered both son and D-in-L help financially to see a therapist, she says she doesnt want anyone knowing her business, and that was the end of our offers or discussion. I would not try to push her into anything......she wouldnt be very nice to my son if I did. (I say that from experience - not "assuming").

AnnieL...I have been on the boards here so long, most of the "oldies" know about my degree, but I also seldom mention it. I am here mainly because I still work to keep my skills sharp to prevent the panic attacks. I also try to help in that forum when I can, not only as someone who has treated the disorder, but someone who suffers from it. I would love to chat , PM me anytime.

Alexandra - thanks for you input. As I stated, I have offered her....my daughter-in-law, help (NOT from me - but some other therapist), and I dont think I would qualify as having " psychology student syndrome"......... I have practiced for 14 years. Also clearly stated - I will continue to study this issue. I truly was asking people with the Dx of BPD about discipling their children.........and it sorta went in many directions.

THe issues with my D-in-L are not new - I have had my granddaughter placed with me 3 times by the Courts....once when my son had moved home (that time was Joint Guardianship - he had to live here with her due to his job), once when they were together (at son's request to the Courts), and once when I was not even aware there was a hearing concerning her SON, and things were so bad (Judge had D-in-L removed from Courtroom 4 times before charging her with Contempt for her cursing and screaming at him). I was called to pick my granddaughter up from the Social Services Office or she would be put in a foster home...and the son was placed with his Father temporarily.........and although she did not get the Court Ordered Counseling, both children were returned to her(and son) at different times. My granddaughter has severe allergies, asthma, and at one time thought to be a failure to thrive, and had one major surgery at 6 weeks of age on her trachea. I would do anything for her, and am thrilled that she is now growing at a normal rate, and although small for her age, the Doctors are no longer concerned about that issue.

Again, thanks for the input !