Please be gentle with yourself - from a lot of your posts it sounds like you have more than enough on your plate and a dying family member hardly makes matters easier.

Ultimately you have to do what's best for you, increased self harm and suicidal ideation isn't an indicator you're coping well. How do you see things panning out? Is it maybe time for a discussion with your husband so that in any eventuality you're all a bit more prepared? If we were to look at this from a reverse angle, getting into hospital now might allow you to stabilise sooner and feel better able to cope with the difficult life events you're currently experiencing. It's not an easy decision, far from it, but I hope you come to some resolution soon. All the best to you.