i cant do this anymore

it is my birthday today (tho i think this site is american so its not my birthday til tomo lol) and i am sat here crying crimson tears again. Have lost count of how much i have harmed tonight

i just cant take this feeling of loneliness anymore, but i dont want to trust anyone enough to let them in, because it is inevitable that they will hurt me if i let them get close to me. I am in a catch 22 situation and i can only see one way out