WHOA again. couldn't decided between calm, hopefulore sleepy but went with sleepy as I'm calm, hopeful but sleepy - I blacked out with the computer in my lap, and didn't lose anymore than 40% of what i was doing in the website as it seems. add 'confused' to that too but that's just the exhaustion of a couple of sleepless nights. add 'determined' cos my mother woke me up passed out here in bed all contorted (ouch my shoul.der) with the computer almost falling down and the constant loop of the dvd menu of 'rockshow' playing endlessly - i passed out for six hours and can't remember a thing. alll that after a mammoth 54 mg conccerta and 150mg of venlafaxin...and i've got a rescheduled therapist appointment for today in one hour 20 minutes - thasnk goodness for ma being late to go to the hospital...she even made me my two morning h&c sandwiches, that beautiful creature...

so yeah, things seem to be looking up although i can't help but having the nagging feeling it might all collapse in a second. now it's some more leisure on the internet and 'get ready to go' - that is, put on my pants and shoes and grb my stuff and go - yes it's been three months i don't look in the mirror, i avoid it on elevators and just see the passing glance of me being bearded - though i can tell that's not too much. my bathroom's mirror's been covered with a towel and duct tape and i don't plan on removing it any time soon...it seems the less i look in the mirror, the better my shrink and therapist say that my semblance is - go figure.

but yeah things are looking up. i may now change it to hopeful now that i'm more coherent and washed my 'face'....