That is the one he thought would be best for me after our last appt I am very fortunate that he mini councils me and will take all the time I need in a appt to express my symptoms thoughts and concerns.. Yikes I know you didn't mean to freak me out I only had those thoughts even a almost drive towards suicide when I came off meds recently that gave me a huge panic attack. I am normally not suicidel even in the worse of time it has crossed my mind but like my handle says I am forever hopeful that better times will come and most times logical enough to know tell myself it's only the illness not my true feelings when I hit rock bottoms which lasted over a year this past time.. Again which led me to coming off the meds.. I think to add to it we had a terrible long cruel winter this year which mad the S. a.d symptoms on top of depression kick me into that black hole ... Thank goodness I can always see a tiny flicker of light to hold onto most times or I would be a goner no doubt