Hi hvert, Thank you for your feedback. Yes, I think I do have a tendency to hang on to relationships post-expiration date. I tend to be empathetic, I also keep hoping for "better", and for "once was".

I have attempted a number of conversations with John about his attitude - i.e., how is it that he feels okay about David and I supporting him? Almost anyone would have all kinds of negative feelings about himself, were he in the position John is in. He doesn't seem to have those feelings, oddly. It seems to me that John's attitude is that David and I owe him - he behaves as though he is our teenage child. It's very strange.

As for asking him to leave - I have. There have been two times in which I was very serious - 100% ready for John to leave. He refused to leave. The second time I called the police to my home hoping that they would tell him he had to leave. Quite the opposite: the police told me that according to state law, if someone has lived at a residence for more than 3 months (they have used the address as their legal residence), they cannot be kicked out. Even if the person does not contribute anything to the household income. Seems like a very weird law to me, but I read up on it and what the police told me is true. And, since there's no violence in the home, I cannot get a restraining order against John.

And you're correct - there are reasons why I prefer that John live here. The neighborhood I live in is a ghetto. I moved in here not realizing that the neighborhood is as scary as it is (part of the reason I say I was so naive...I came from a nice middle-class environment...had no idea what living in a ghetto was like!). I would be really frightened to live alone here, and having another adult in the home is helpful. I expect to be moving this autumn, though, and am churning over what to do with John. I HATE the thought of living alone and don't want a new person in my home with a new, inevitable set of problems. I would prefer that John and I live together, but without the constant bickering and wow, it sure would be nice if he'd be the responsible person he once was. Another issue that confuses me - when John was drinking (alcohol) he was fun, easy-going, and responsible at work. When he stopped drinking he became mean and irresponsible. I wonder if John is what people call a "dry drunk"?