I've been away for a couple of days (had a great time on a road trip with my daughter) and see some new responses on this thread. Thank you, everyone.

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canders7 said:
it sounds pretty normal to me!

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Thank you, canders. Sometimes I need reassurance that I am normal!

sister, that's wonderful you were able to open up to your T about cutting. I think I need to do that too. I have not cut since I was about 18 and so it has been very disturbing to suddenly experience this cutting fantasy. I have felt like you that heck, I am grown up now, I should not be fantasizing about a coping strategay (cutting) that I associate with my immaturity at that age. Like you, a lot of the current trigger is my relationship with my husband.

ECHOES, so much of what you wrote is exactly what I think I should do: tell T about the cutting fantasy, tell T I am afraid of not living up to his expectations, acknowledge that the mountain of pain I have pushed away is now catching up with me again, and start to knock it down. There is some great wisdom on this board. Thank you for your insight.