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AlteredState01 said:
"I" just seem to be the only one who has made my life out to be some kind of horror story and now I am so stuck in it! They have nothing to be forgiven for; I was just the angst-ridden child who couldn't take any pressure of any sort!

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First off.. don't blame yourself for anything that you do. or have done. whether it is anxiety related or not. Obviously it is not making you feel better. Let things in the past go and live day to day. And furthermore dont blame yourself for things you do that is anxiety related because that is most definitely not your fault.

Second, you want reassurance that your family understands? I am sure they do. And I doubt they don't want to see you. You are a part of the family. Not seeing you would probably hurt more.

Keep in mind that you can not control that you have this issue.

If you want to make sure that your family understands and apologizing doesnt reassure you, write them a letter. take your time. put in everything that you would want them to know. it might help you and it might get them to understand better if they read something written when you aren't completely upset/etc.

hang in there. you'll be fine.