pinksoil, your post was so interesting with so many insights and possibilities. Do you sometimes feel that our time with our T's is so short as to be inadequate to sort out all this stuff? We think of so much stuff and then get one short hour to work it out a week. Totally not enough, IMO.

I completely agree--yes, it is possible to transfer feelings for your mother onto a male T. I"ve always felt that my main childhood issues were with my mother, who was openly hostile, angry, abusive. My dad was more of a shadowy background figure, emotionally unavailable but at least not overtly angry/hostile most of the time. I don't think I've yet transferred many feelings toward either my mother or my father onto my T. I think it is very therapeutic that you are able to use your transference in this way.

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
The really confusing part is this: I continue to seek out males and turn my back on females. It is easy to assume that I do this because of all the bad stuff surrounding my mother. I think that's part of it, but not all of it. How does my father fit into all of this? I have always had a thing with dating older guys

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">
This could be me. But I have never felt it was because of my mother or father. I was very mature for my age as a teen and considered my same age boys to be so juvenile. My first lover at age 17 was a 35 year old man. It was a significant relationship in my life and after it was over, I tended to continue to seek out older men, perhaps trying to recreate this original May-December romance. But I never attributed this tendency of mine as being caused by my mother or father. So I am very interested in your analysis! BTW, my husband is only 8 years older than I am and I consider us to be "the same age" compared to so many of my other relationships.

In recent years I have begun to bond more easily with females. My T told me that this often happens to women in middle age and that it is a good thing. So it may come for you too when you are older. I did have a female therapist first and we did not bond. I strongly wanted a female as I felt a male might side with my husband as that was the presenting conflict. But I never formed a strong relationship with her. Then I switched to my current T, a male, and attached to him immediately and strongly. I just know how to attach to males better and more easily, so this makes sense. Maybe it is the same for you.

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
I wonder if the connections I made are true? Am I reaching too far? I don't know. I normally trust my unconscious-- it will let me know if the conclusions I draw are wrong-- something will just "not sit well" and I will continue to search until I hit upon something that does.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">
This sounds like what I do too, and it really works for me. Why not continue and let your unconscious guide? Access your dreams too if that is helpful. They are the way the unconscious sends us messages.

Please try to not be afraid to cry with your T. It's a problem right now for me too, but I know it is a good thing when I am able to do it. Part of my problem is that I often feel so dang good when I am with T because I like him so much that it is hard for the negative feelings of hurt to push through that curtain of positive feeling and manifest in crying. I think my T knows this. I don't know the solution. I don't want to stop feeling good with him just so I can cry.

Hang in there, pinksoil. I think you are making great progress. I really admire you for being able to get angry at your T, and I think you will get a lot of good mileage out of that.