AlteredState, you know what you're doing that is INCREDIBLY important?

You're recognizing that your behavior has an effect (and a negative one) on other people, and you conciously WANT to stop doing it. Even if you've come to this point before, this means so much.

Now you need to STOP being so hard on yourself, take a little time to collect yourself, relax a bit, and try to get back on track. I am SURE your family understands your hardships, and while they may sometimes feel upset when you're really down, they will NOT stop caring for you because of it!! I'm sure you hold an incredibly special place in all their hearts. In fact, the fact that they are upset because you are shows how much they care!

BIG HUGS for you, and I hope and pray things get better!! Just hang on and be strong, things will improve with time!!
~muse