Hi, I dont know you and I am sorry that you are feeling so down! I have attempted with sleeping pills too before. My fiance and I are going through the challenge of deciding if we should stay together or not. I don't think you should let your virginity define you unless it's in a good way, like you are strong and smart. I can't tell you how to feel better other than to try to focus on you as an individual and remember that waiting until marriage even if it is for religious reasons is a brave and wise decision. stay strong and hold on. Some days will be better abd you have so much support here at PC! This is a great ressource.
I will send you good vibes and happy thoughts